prison care resources
New as of November 2021, I have created a site dedicated to caring for prison communities from outside the walls!
INTRODUCING PrisonCare.org
"a friend of J's" at http://sabrinajustison.com, will continue to be updated with J's personal story and mine, and will continue to give attention to mental health issues as well as incarceration.
The more practical resources for individuals, churches, and community groups in need of personal, flexible, compassionate care options for supporting EVERYONE behind the razor wire -- residents, staff, and administrators -- will be the focus of PrisonCare.org. Visit PrisonCare.org for FREE PDF tools and articles, and connect with others interested in caring for prison communities on the PrisonCare Facebook Group.
INTRODUCING PrisonCare.org
"a friend of J's" at http://sabrinajustison.com, will continue to be updated with J's personal story and mine, and will continue to give attention to mental health issues as well as incarceration.
The more practical resources for individuals, churches, and community groups in need of personal, flexible, compassionate care options for supporting EVERYONE behind the razor wire -- residents, staff, and administrators -- will be the focus of PrisonCare.org. Visit PrisonCare.org for FREE PDF tools and articles, and connect with others interested in caring for prison communities on the PrisonCare Facebook Group.
learn about people in prison
and SOME WAYS THAT WE CAN HELP THEM
and SOME WAYS THAT WE CAN HELP THEM
Organizations to investigate
Speak Up for Hope
Speak Up for Hope is a wonderful organization under the leadership of Gene and Carol Kent. If you have never read about their son Jason Kent, you can find Carol's EXCELLENT books on the Speak Up for Hope website. When I Lay My Isaac Down and A New Kind of Normal were lifelines for me in the first 2 years after my son J was arrested.
The Equitas Project
An initiative of Mental Health Colorado, Equitas is an advocacy group committed to "disentangling mental health and criminal justice." From their Mission Statement: "Equitas is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization, which promotes mental health awareness and champions laws, policies, and practices that prioritize improved population health outcomes, sensible use of resources, and the decriminalization of mental illness."
Zehr Institute for Restorative Justice
Restorative Justice is a rapidly-growing response to crime that is well worth your time and attention. Howard Zehr's work in the field has earned him the title, "the grandfather of restorative justice." What is RJ? From the institute's explanation: "Recognizing that punishment is often ineffective, restorative justice aims at helping offenders to recognize the harm they have caused and encouraging them to repair the harm, to the extent it is possible. Rather than obsessing about whether offenders get what they deserve, restorative justice focuses on repairing the harm of crime and engaging individuals and community members in the process." Instead of overlooking the needs of the victims, RJ takes an approach that makes them central, and often what they need is NOT met by the types of punishment typically handed down by our criminal justice system.
Ministry Against the Death Penalty
Founded by Sister Helen Prejean (Dead Man Walking). From their mission statement: "The Ministry Against the Death Penalty (MADP) fosters creative, reflective and educational programs that awaken hearts and minds, inspire social change, and strengthen our democracy’s commitment to human rights."
Prison Fellowship
The groundbreaking organization started by the late Charles "Chuck" Colson in the 1970s. Prison Fellowship works to restore the criminal justice system in the U.S., to minister to inmates, and to care for the families of those on the inside. So much good work is done here behind the walls, in our communities, and in the halls of government as they work to make wise changes to laws that work well for no one!
NAMI
The National Alliance on Mental Illness is the place to start if you are new to learning about mental illness. Their mission: "NAMI works to educate, advocate, listen and lead to improve the lives of people with mental illness and their loved ones."
They are doing powerful advocacy work as part of their Divert from Justice Involvement initiative, seeking to, "fight for policies to get people help, not handcuffs." There is an amazing wealth of resources on NAMI's site. In particular, check out all the help they provide for Family and Caregivers here.
National Institute of Justice - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Research
Fascinating U.S. government research from 2010, presented in a way that is easy to understand. "Cognitive behavioral therapy can help restructure distorted thinking and perception, which in turn changes a person's behavior for the better...some of the greatest effects were among more serious offenders...it increases their participation and therefore the benefits of participation."
Mental Health Criminal Defense: A Primer
A short book by attorney Jennifer Longtin of Colorado. If you are someone you love is juggling the world of the criminal courts AND a mental illness, this book will help you get your feet under you with some basic terminology, an explanation of proceedings that are typical in cases like these, and will point you toward resources.
Prison Arts Initiative - University of Denver
Ready to have your mind blown in the best way possible? Look at what creativity and art are doing for people who are incarcerated, and look what beauty their art is bringing to the world! On a personal note, J's creative endeavors have been profound in his work towards greater health. You read his blog posts and see a few of his drawings here on the website, but he has composed albums of original music, written the first draft of a novel, and longs to explore more and more using the creative tools of music, drama, dance, visual arts, and more.
With(in) Podcast - an inmate-produced podcast from behind the walls in CO prisons
Sponsored and facilitated by Denver University Prison Arts Initiative and the CO Dept. of Corrections, this podcast is life-changing for listeners as well as for the incarcerated men and women who record every episode. If nothing else, please listen to Episode 1 "The Shift." You will never think of inmates in a prison the same way again.
Speak Up for Hope is a wonderful organization under the leadership of Gene and Carol Kent. If you have never read about their son Jason Kent, you can find Carol's EXCELLENT books on the Speak Up for Hope website. When I Lay My Isaac Down and A New Kind of Normal were lifelines for me in the first 2 years after my son J was arrested.
The Equitas Project
An initiative of Mental Health Colorado, Equitas is an advocacy group committed to "disentangling mental health and criminal justice." From their Mission Statement: "Equitas is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization, which promotes mental health awareness and champions laws, policies, and practices that prioritize improved population health outcomes, sensible use of resources, and the decriminalization of mental illness."
Zehr Institute for Restorative Justice
Restorative Justice is a rapidly-growing response to crime that is well worth your time and attention. Howard Zehr's work in the field has earned him the title, "the grandfather of restorative justice." What is RJ? From the institute's explanation: "Recognizing that punishment is often ineffective, restorative justice aims at helping offenders to recognize the harm they have caused and encouraging them to repair the harm, to the extent it is possible. Rather than obsessing about whether offenders get what they deserve, restorative justice focuses on repairing the harm of crime and engaging individuals and community members in the process." Instead of overlooking the needs of the victims, RJ takes an approach that makes them central, and often what they need is NOT met by the types of punishment typically handed down by our criminal justice system.
Ministry Against the Death Penalty
Founded by Sister Helen Prejean (Dead Man Walking). From their mission statement: "The Ministry Against the Death Penalty (MADP) fosters creative, reflective and educational programs that awaken hearts and minds, inspire social change, and strengthen our democracy’s commitment to human rights."
Prison Fellowship
The groundbreaking organization started by the late Charles "Chuck" Colson in the 1970s. Prison Fellowship works to restore the criminal justice system in the U.S., to minister to inmates, and to care for the families of those on the inside. So much good work is done here behind the walls, in our communities, and in the halls of government as they work to make wise changes to laws that work well for no one!
NAMI
The National Alliance on Mental Illness is the place to start if you are new to learning about mental illness. Their mission: "NAMI works to educate, advocate, listen and lead to improve the lives of people with mental illness and their loved ones."
They are doing powerful advocacy work as part of their Divert from Justice Involvement initiative, seeking to, "fight for policies to get people help, not handcuffs." There is an amazing wealth of resources on NAMI's site. In particular, check out all the help they provide for Family and Caregivers here.
National Institute of Justice - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Research
Fascinating U.S. government research from 2010, presented in a way that is easy to understand. "Cognitive behavioral therapy can help restructure distorted thinking and perception, which in turn changes a person's behavior for the better...some of the greatest effects were among more serious offenders...it increases their participation and therefore the benefits of participation."
Mental Health Criminal Defense: A Primer
A short book by attorney Jennifer Longtin of Colorado. If you are someone you love is juggling the world of the criminal courts AND a mental illness, this book will help you get your feet under you with some basic terminology, an explanation of proceedings that are typical in cases like these, and will point you toward resources.
Prison Arts Initiative - University of Denver
Ready to have your mind blown in the best way possible? Look at what creativity and art are doing for people who are incarcerated, and look what beauty their art is bringing to the world! On a personal note, J's creative endeavors have been profound in his work towards greater health. You read his blog posts and see a few of his drawings here on the website, but he has composed albums of original music, written the first draft of a novel, and longs to explore more and more using the creative tools of music, drama, dance, visual arts, and more.
With(in) Podcast - an inmate-produced podcast from behind the walls in CO prisons
Sponsored and facilitated by Denver University Prison Arts Initiative and the CO Dept. of Corrections, this podcast is life-changing for listeners as well as for the incarcerated men and women who record every episode. If nothing else, please listen to Episode 1 "The Shift." You will never think of inmates in a prison the same way again.
mental wellness original resources - freebies!
For a FREE PRINTABLE version of this infographic
(a much lighter background to conserve your printer ink!)
request a copy via email to
sabrina@sabrinajustison.com
or visit the Facebook Group - FILES section
(link to Group coming soon...)
(a much lighter background to conserve your printer ink!)
request a copy via email to
sabrina@sabrinajustison.com
or visit the Facebook Group - FILES section
(link to Group coming soon...)
choose to care for one specific prison
"Adopting a Prison" as an amazing way to become A FRIEND OF J'S
Why does a prison need to be adopted?
A prison is a community of people living together under very challenging circumstances.
Many inmates face lack of privacy, fear for their safety, lack of purpose, loneliness, shame about their crime, insufficient funds for overpriced commissary purchases and phone time, bitterness about their sentence, intense boredom, and a frightening sense that they have been forgotten.
The corrections officers face danger, long hours, a negative work environment, and are often poorly trained.
The prison administration faces a never-ending series of no-win decisions as they try to provide for the inmates while maintaining security.
A prison is a community of people living together under very challenging circumstances.
Many inmates face lack of privacy, fear for their safety, lack of purpose, loneliness, shame about their crime, insufficient funds for overpriced commissary purchases and phone time, bitterness about their sentence, intense boredom, and a frightening sense that they have been forgotten.
The corrections officers face danger, long hours, a negative work environment, and are often poorly trained.
The prison administration faces a never-ending series of no-win decisions as they try to provide for the inmates while maintaining security.
Not one of us would be excited to move in to this community!
But we, on the outside, can help with our prayers, our encouragement, and our ability to invite others to come alongside us in the endeavor.
Ready to CARE in a wonderful way?
But we, on the outside, can help with our prayers, our encouragement, and our ability to invite others to come alongside us in the endeavor.
Ready to CARE in a wonderful way?
For a wealth of FREE resources, please visit PrisonCare.org.
This "sister site" to "a friend of J's" is the best place to find what you need.
This "sister site" to "a friend of J's" is the best place to find what you need.
3 Simple Steps to Adopt-a-Prison
You can adopt-a-prison by yourself (and that's what I did at first), but it's even better to link arms with others in your church, a community group, your extended family, or some other circle of folks with a willingness to care.
You can adopt-a-prison by yourself (and that's what I did at first), but it's even better to link arms with others in your church, a community group, your extended family, or some other circle of folks with a willingness to care.
1. Choose a facility to which you have some connection.
For me, this was easy; of course I was going to adopt J's prison! But even if you have no personal connection to someone incarcerated at a particular facility, you can choose a prison in your community, one that has recently made the news, one that houses female offenders, or juveniles...some point of emotional connection is all you need. Do a little research on the internet to make the prison community "real" to you.
Photos of the prison help keep it front and center in your mind. Search online to learn the name of the warden; you can probably even find info about their career and a headshot on LinkedIn. Again, the people who live in the prison community you have chosen to adopt need to be as REAL to you as possible.
Set a Google alert on your browser that will notify you by email every time your adopted prison shows up in the news.
If you know the names of any inmates at the prison, many Departments of Corrections have inmate locator websites that list each convicted felon and post their mug shot. I have a multi-page printout now of people who live in J's community. I look at their names and faces on a regular basis, normalizing their presence in my world.
Reach out to the chaplain of the facility, and ask if they can suggest a few names of inmates who would really appreciate the chance to correspond. You don't need a long list of names. Once you are writing to one inmate, you can ask about others who are interested in hearing from a caring person on the outside.
For me, this was easy; of course I was going to adopt J's prison! But even if you have no personal connection to someone incarcerated at a particular facility, you can choose a prison in your community, one that has recently made the news, one that houses female offenders, or juveniles...some point of emotional connection is all you need. Do a little research on the internet to make the prison community "real" to you.
Photos of the prison help keep it front and center in your mind. Search online to learn the name of the warden; you can probably even find info about their career and a headshot on LinkedIn. Again, the people who live in the prison community you have chosen to adopt need to be as REAL to you as possible.
Set a Google alert on your browser that will notify you by email every time your adopted prison shows up in the news.
If you know the names of any inmates at the prison, many Departments of Corrections have inmate locator websites that list each convicted felon and post their mug shot. I have a multi-page printout now of people who live in J's community. I look at their names and faces on a regular basis, normalizing their presence in my world.
Reach out to the chaplain of the facility, and ask if they can suggest a few names of inmates who would really appreciate the chance to correspond. You don't need a long list of names. Once you are writing to one inmate, you can ask about others who are interested in hearing from a caring person on the outside.
2. Commit to care.
For me, this means PRAYER first, last, and always. If you are a person of faith, praying for the prison you have adopted is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do. It is not fruitless; it will accomplish things you never imagined possible. You do not need to know specific "prayer requests" to effectively pray for your prison. Simply remembering people before God is enough.
But don't be afraid to get more specific as basic common sense directs your thoughts. Pray for safety. For good communication among administration, officers, and inmates. For peace and cooperation between cellmates. You get the idea!
Set some accountability in place for yourself so that you do not forget your adopted prison. Creating expectation for a pen pal experience in a prisoner's life must be treated with great care! If you begin a correspondence, don't over-promise. It's okay to only write once...or once a year. It's NOT okay to say that you will write twice a month, and then just quit writing altogether. People on the inside are so deeply wounded by that kind of disappointment.
Your life is busy, and you WILL (unfortunately) forget that you have made this commitment when your own life distracts you. Plan for that distraction, and find ways to bring your mind back periodically to the prison you've adopted. It is better to promise little-to-nothing and then deliver what you can.
Mark dates on your calendar near holidays to remind you that the prison community faces additional challenges during holiday seasons.
If you are adopting as a group, set monthly meetings or connection points of some sort to focus on your prison together. I have found it really wonderful to text regularly with a friend who has also adopted Crowley County Correctional Facility, just sending a message to her that I am praying for so-and-so this morning. It reminds her to pray for those on her heart, and she often sends me a text as well, sparking my attention.
For me, this means PRAYER first, last, and always. If you are a person of faith, praying for the prison you have adopted is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do. It is not fruitless; it will accomplish things you never imagined possible. You do not need to know specific "prayer requests" to effectively pray for your prison. Simply remembering people before God is enough.
But don't be afraid to get more specific as basic common sense directs your thoughts. Pray for safety. For good communication among administration, officers, and inmates. For peace and cooperation between cellmates. You get the idea!
Set some accountability in place for yourself so that you do not forget your adopted prison. Creating expectation for a pen pal experience in a prisoner's life must be treated with great care! If you begin a correspondence, don't over-promise. It's okay to only write once...or once a year. It's NOT okay to say that you will write twice a month, and then just quit writing altogether. People on the inside are so deeply wounded by that kind of disappointment.
Your life is busy, and you WILL (unfortunately) forget that you have made this commitment when your own life distracts you. Plan for that distraction, and find ways to bring your mind back periodically to the prison you've adopted. It is better to promise little-to-nothing and then deliver what you can.
Mark dates on your calendar near holidays to remind you that the prison community faces additional challenges during holiday seasons.
If you are adopting as a group, set monthly meetings or connection points of some sort to focus on your prison together. I have found it really wonderful to text regularly with a friend who has also adopted Crowley County Correctional Facility, just sending a message to her that I am praying for so-and-so this morning. It reminds her to pray for those on her heart, and she often sends me a text as well, sparking my attention.
3. Write.
It is true that some people serving sentences are not at all interested in rehabilitation. They are not repentant for their crimes. They will be right back in the middle of trouble the moment they are released. But there are SO MANY OTHERS who are doing everything they can to learn, to turn and go in a new direction, to make restitution, and to grow as human beings.
Receiving regular letters and cards can be a priceless encouragement to keep trying, to refuse despair, to choose wisely, to do the hard internal work necessary to become the better people they want to be.
Letters don't have to be long or intense. A card with a line or two written in it actually means a lot, whether or not you receive a reply by mail.
You will GET something out of this correspondence, too! Some folks are not writers, or are so guarded that they are afraid to establish a pen pal relationship. That's okay! You can send occasional reminders that you are thinking of them. But there are folks who THRIVE in a pen pal relationship, and once you connect with a resident who enjoys writing back, there is so much blessing on both ends of the correspondence. Remember that you will be "getting to know" someone with a whole life story you do not know, a personality you have not yet enjoyed, and knowledge about the world that is different from your own. Your letters should never be written in an attitude of pity -- you will be amazed at how much you end up RECEIVING from your pen pal relationship! Expect good things in both directions, and you will likely find them.
It's a powerful thing to also send an occasional card or brief letter to the warden or to a corrections officer whose name you have learned. Just say THANK YOU for doing a hard job and providing for inmates who are dependent on them for food and basic provision.
If an inmate has mentioned something positive to you, note that you have heard that this happened, and that you respect the effort it took to accomplish.
It is true that some people serving sentences are not at all interested in rehabilitation. They are not repentant for their crimes. They will be right back in the middle of trouble the moment they are released. But there are SO MANY OTHERS who are doing everything they can to learn, to turn and go in a new direction, to make restitution, and to grow as human beings.
Receiving regular letters and cards can be a priceless encouragement to keep trying, to refuse despair, to choose wisely, to do the hard internal work necessary to become the better people they want to be.
Letters don't have to be long or intense. A card with a line or two written in it actually means a lot, whether or not you receive a reply by mail.
You will GET something out of this correspondence, too! Some folks are not writers, or are so guarded that they are afraid to establish a pen pal relationship. That's okay! You can send occasional reminders that you are thinking of them. But there are folks who THRIVE in a pen pal relationship, and once you connect with a resident who enjoys writing back, there is so much blessing on both ends of the correspondence. Remember that you will be "getting to know" someone with a whole life story you do not know, a personality you have not yet enjoyed, and knowledge about the world that is different from your own. Your letters should never be written in an attitude of pity -- you will be amazed at how much you end up RECEIVING from your pen pal relationship! Expect good things in both directions, and you will likely find them.
It's a powerful thing to also send an occasional card or brief letter to the warden or to a corrections officer whose name you have learned. Just say THANK YOU for doing a hard job and providing for inmates who are dependent on them for food and basic provision.
If an inmate has mentioned something positive to you, note that you have heard that this happened, and that you respect the effort it took to accomplish.
- For example, before COVID locked things down, musicians in my son's pod were allowed to hold an all-day battle-of-the-bands style concert, and it was a huge mood-lifter. I wrote to the CO who had taken point on arranging for the concert and thanked her for making it happen.
- Another example: After COVID locked things down, I wrote to the warden and thanked him for facing the overwhelming task of keeping everyone, including my son, safe and fed while the whole world faced pandemic. He called to THANK ME for writing, and said that no one EVER contacts him with gratitude or praise for his staff.
If you get writer's block and need inspiration for starting that first letter, scroll down for a template that might help!
For a FREE sample "Starter Pack" PDF to help you and your group Adopt-a-Prison,
visit PrisonCare.org and download "What is PrisonCare and Why Does it Matter?" and "What Your Group Can Do."
visit PrisonCare.org and download "What is PrisonCare and Why Does it Matter?" and "What Your Group Can Do."
My husband Fred, my son J, and me on our first visit all together in Sept. 2019. This single photo, btw, cost $4.00, deducted from J's commissary account.
SOME SIMPLE WORDS OF CAUTION about writing to people in prison
Remember that you are simply sending words of encouragement.
You are not qualified to solve an individual's problems. Your letters are reminders that they are not forgotten, that they have value as a person, that there are reasons to hope even in the midst of a very trying time, and they are a platform on which to build a friendship as you share your personalities, interests, and stories with one another.
Avoid sharing too much that is deeply personal, but be a real person.
What does that mean? Let your personality come through; if you are witty, make little jokes as you would in conversation. If you love cats and hate snakes, enjoy Victorian literature, took an awesome hiking trip and saw a moose for the first time, volunteer for a seashore clean-up organization, or have zero athletic ability, these are great topics for inclusion in your letters!
But if you are struggling in a relationship with someone close to you, if you are working through some deep fears or past hurts in your own life, if your heart has been broken by your partner or spouse, these things are too intimate, too personal for letters to someone you only know as a prison pen pal.
Be careful not to give a false impression of intimacy.
For people who are isolated so much of the time, healthy boundaries are challenging to set and honor. It is up to YOU to maintain healthy boundaries. If your pen pal asks for money, the answer is probably no. If your pen pal wants to know if you will ever meet face to face, the answer is probably no. If your pen pal wants you to contact people on their behalf, the answer is probably no. If the content of your letters to one another contains any hint of flirting or innuendo, SAY NO; clearly state what language in a letter was inappropriate from your perspective, and don't be swayed from that boundary line.
You don't need to be afraid that your pen pal will take advantage of you, but you do need to remember that many people who are incarcerated have been conditioned to take what they can get from others in order to survive. Even without malice, they may be unaware of a line of appropriate behavior when they are stepping on it.
Be direct. Be honest. Don't get personally offended. Place the conversation firmly back in a healthy space. If they stop writing to you after you have drawn a healthy boundary, that is for the best. Be willing to let an unhealthy pen pal relationship end if it must.
Remember that you are simply sending words of encouragement.
You are not qualified to solve an individual's problems. Your letters are reminders that they are not forgotten, that they have value as a person, that there are reasons to hope even in the midst of a very trying time, and they are a platform on which to build a friendship as you share your personalities, interests, and stories with one another.
Avoid sharing too much that is deeply personal, but be a real person.
What does that mean? Let your personality come through; if you are witty, make little jokes as you would in conversation. If you love cats and hate snakes, enjoy Victorian literature, took an awesome hiking trip and saw a moose for the first time, volunteer for a seashore clean-up organization, or have zero athletic ability, these are great topics for inclusion in your letters!
But if you are struggling in a relationship with someone close to you, if you are working through some deep fears or past hurts in your own life, if your heart has been broken by your partner or spouse, these things are too intimate, too personal for letters to someone you only know as a prison pen pal.
Be careful not to give a false impression of intimacy.
For people who are isolated so much of the time, healthy boundaries are challenging to set and honor. It is up to YOU to maintain healthy boundaries. If your pen pal asks for money, the answer is probably no. If your pen pal wants to know if you will ever meet face to face, the answer is probably no. If your pen pal wants you to contact people on their behalf, the answer is probably no. If the content of your letters to one another contains any hint of flirting or innuendo, SAY NO; clearly state what language in a letter was inappropriate from your perspective, and don't be swayed from that boundary line.
You don't need to be afraid that your pen pal will take advantage of you, but you do need to remember that many people who are incarcerated have been conditioned to take what they can get from others in order to survive. Even without malice, they may be unaware of a line of appropriate behavior when they are stepping on it.
Be direct. Be honest. Don't get personally offended. Place the conversation firmly back in a healthy space. If they stop writing to you after you have drawn a healthy boundary, that is for the best. Be willing to let an unhealthy pen pal relationship end if it must.
thinking about writing to a prison resident?
having TROUBLE GETTING STARTED?
having TROUBLE GETTING STARTED?
Letter Starters
You have a name and a DOC number. You have an address.
Now...
...what do you write???
Some time ago, J did an informal survey of guys in his pod, asking them what people on the outside can do to help make rehabilitation tangible. These three guys' answers particularly grabbed my heart:
"Talking to someone on the outs is huge, but the pen-pal services are a scam and a joke. How are we supposed to be inspired to be different people if our only influences are criminals? We need help connecting with normal people. And a lot of us don't have family or friends on the outside to help us connect, and we are literally powerless to make it happen ourselves."
"They dress us in the same clothing, give us a number, and we're spoken to and treated like s**t every day, like we're nothing but a waste. They dehumanize us, then expect us to be released and magically fit perfectly into humanity. We need to be d**n-near brainwashed into believing we're worth something and that doing good things is something that we are actually capable of."
"There are no mental health services available in the place where you have more cases of mental disorders than a d**n psych hospital. From ADHD to serial-killers, you have it all, yet have no trained people to meet regularly and have an established relationship with us, to help us. That's not an oversight; that's evil."
CAUTION #1: DO NOT PROMISE WHAT YOU WILL NOT PROVIDE.
It is better to write randomly to one prisoner from time to time than it is to begin writing to five people, tell them to expect mail from you once a month, and then find that you cannot maintain that load.
If your letters just disappear on them, it hurts.
People behind the walls are even more sensitive to that type of disappointment than those of us on the outside with the freedom to connect with others on our own terms. Don't set a resident up for disappointment.
CAUTION #2: Don't problem-solve.
Whether the inmate to whom you are writing struggles with mental illness or not, you cannot fix things for him or her. You are not a savior. You are a pen pal. You are a reminder that someone outside is thinking of someone inside. You are an encourager. Life in prison is difficult; accept that you will not be able to change that reality.
CAUTION #3: Be prudent in mentioning your faith.
Many residents are immediately suspicious of a person of faith who wants to write to them. They assume they will be pressured to adopt beliefs they do not want to adopt (or to pretend they have, at least), in order to continue having a pen pal. Your letters need to communicate CARE for the person who receives them. If you are a praying person, your prayers will not be hindered if you avoid the emotionally-charged phrase, "Praying for you!" Don't be dishonest about your faith, but if your pen pal does not tell you that they share it and would appreciate your prayers, don't make mention of it a regular inclusion in your letters. That feels threatening to people who already live in a state of hypervigilance.
Start with a simple letter of encouragement from a stranger.
Own the awkwardness; it feels more awkward for you to write this than it does for the person who's reading it!
Here's a template you can use:
Hi, FIRST NAME OF RESIDENT,
You haven't met me, but I just want you to know that in spite of that, you are on my mind today, and the letter you are holding is proof of that! My name is YOUR FIRST NAME, and this is a simple reminder that you matter. Yes, you probably know that, but just in case it's one of those hard days where you temporarily forgot, here's my letter to remind you. :)
I / SOME FRIENDS AND I have become aware of the fact that people who are incarcerated often feel forgotten by everyone living a "normal" life on the outside. That's not true. I know that the prison system is in need of reform, and I don't have the answers to that complicated problem, but I believe that every single person has something unique to offer the world. While you are serving your sentence, I would like to be a voice of encouragement to remind you that there is life beyond what you are dealing with inside.
If you want to write back, you can do that, and we can get to know each other a little bit by letter. If the idea of a pen pal isn't something you want right now, no pressure. I may send you a card or a note from time to time, just to remind you that you are not forgotten, but don't ever feel like you have to write back if you don't want to.
I'm a praying person (ONLY SAY THAT IF YOU ARE, OF COURSE!!), and I pray for you regularly, for your health and safety, and for you to find purpose in your days and encouragement to keep growing as a person. I pray for the whole facility, actually; you guys all have to be in the same space, so I just sort of think of the prison as a weird neighborhood. If there are specific things you want me to pray about, feel free to write to me about them. If prayer is not your thing, that's okay, too. I'm not interested in forcing anything on you!
That's all for now; I hope your day is one with really good moments!
Take care of yourself,
YOUR FIRST NAME and whatever last name you used on your return address on the envelope
You haven't met me, but I just want you to know that in spite of that, you are on my mind today, and the letter you are holding is proof of that! My name is YOUR FIRST NAME, and this is a simple reminder that you matter. Yes, you probably know that, but just in case it's one of those hard days where you temporarily forgot, here's my letter to remind you. :)
I / SOME FRIENDS AND I have become aware of the fact that people who are incarcerated often feel forgotten by everyone living a "normal" life on the outside. That's not true. I know that the prison system is in need of reform, and I don't have the answers to that complicated problem, but I believe that every single person has something unique to offer the world. While you are serving your sentence, I would like to be a voice of encouragement to remind you that there is life beyond what you are dealing with inside.
If you want to write back, you can do that, and we can get to know each other a little bit by letter. If the idea of a pen pal isn't something you want right now, no pressure. I may send you a card or a note from time to time, just to remind you that you are not forgotten, but don't ever feel like you have to write back if you don't want to.
I'm a praying person (ONLY SAY THAT IF YOU ARE, OF COURSE!!), and I pray for you regularly, for your health and safety, and for you to find purpose in your days and encouragement to keep growing as a person. I pray for the whole facility, actually; you guys all have to be in the same space, so I just sort of think of the prison as a weird neighborhood. If there are specific things you want me to pray about, feel free to write to me about them. If prayer is not your thing, that's okay, too. I'm not interested in forcing anything on you!
That's all for now; I hope your day is one with really good moments!
Take care of yourself,
YOUR FIRST NAME and whatever last name you used on your return address on the envelope
That's all there is to it.
The first letter is the most awkward, but sometimes the second can be a little weird, too.
If the inmate writes back to you, you now have to decide how much you feel comfortable sharing about yourself. Be honest with yourself about any fears or discomfort you feel; the letters you write need to come from a place of care and genuine willingness to share a bit of your life with a convicted criminal. Different people will have VERY different feelings about this; no judgement! Be true to yourself.
The first letter is the most awkward, but sometimes the second can be a little weird, too.
If the inmate writes back to you, you now have to decide how much you feel comfortable sharing about yourself. Be honest with yourself about any fears or discomfort you feel; the letters you write need to come from a place of care and genuine willingness to share a bit of your life with a convicted criminal. Different people will have VERY different feelings about this; no judgement! Be true to yourself.
Here are some things to CONSIDER sharing:
- Why you're doing this. Mention "a friend of J's" and this website if you want. Let them know there are people on the outside who want to do small things with great love...like write letters and cards.
- How you chose them. Do you know someone in their extended family, or a friend? Do you know something about their case from the news, and can you mention that with sensitivity and respect? Is their facility in your home state, and you just chose it because it's part of your geography? (Don't worry about creating a reason if you just randomly chose them.)
- What your interests are. Hobbies, travel, work, big family, pets, sports. These pieces of normal life are missing for the inmate to whom you are writing. Make careful choices to share a bit without going into risky details; if this person is eventually back on the outside and you don't know if that would be a safe thing or not, err on the side of caution. Keep things general, or keep things "anonymous" in nature, even as you share. A really detailed amusing story about your dog getting out the front door and leading you on a chase around the neighborhood does not need to include specific street names or landmarks if you've chosen to use a P.O. box for your return address! You can mention an adorable moment with your grandson without using his name. Be wise. There is a degree of risk in getting to know someone convicted of a crime. Do not recklessly make yourself a likely victim.
- A couple of simple questions about themselves, and offer your own answer to that same question as well. If you "go first," it will feel safer for your pen pal to share with you. Ask if they are interested in any artistic activities or hobby crafts (music, drawing...). Ask if they like to work out (a lot of inmates work out, but most prisons have very limited offerings for team sports, so be sensitive to that). Ask if they have a job they like or dislike in the facility. Ask if they like dogs or cats (especially if you have a pet). Avoid any sense of prying, and remember that many people who are incarcerated don't really want to talk much about their world because it feels monotonous and frustrating. Do NOT ask what they are in prison for. Just ask a bit to show interest in them as an individual person, but do not pry or ask detailed questions about how their daily life unfolds, or they will likely clam up.
- Let the conversation grow gradually. As you begin to get to know one another a bit on paper, you may want to ask the occasional question that goes deeper than only the surface. Remember the power of positivity. Some things to consider asking are, "What's something you are really interested in that other people don't always get?" "What's something you're good at that other people often don't know how to do very well?" "What's a moment you remember where you were really proud of yourself?" "If you had a superpower, what would it be?" "When you were 6 years old, what did you think you wanted to be when you grew up?" "What's your ideal way to burn off stress -- exercise, music, a game, being in nature, talking to a friend, something else?" These types of questions help you get to know more about a person without making him feel like he's being grilled or scrutinized. It's always great to offer your own answer to the same question when you ask it; that makes a level playing field for the conversation and increases the sense of safety for someone who may have felt painfully mocked or criticized.
For advice from some reputable sources regarding corresponding with someone in prison, these sites have good information:
https://www.sisterhelen.org/writing-to-someone-in-prison/
www.sisterhelen.org/wp-content/uploads/GeorgiaPenPalGuidelines2017.pdf
cldc.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Guide-to-Corresponding-with-Prisoners.MW_..pdf
But wait! Isn't it insensitive to share about life on the outside?
Isn't that like rubbing it in...??? "I'm going and doing and being with people I love, and you're not!"
Doesn't that just depress them?
Apparently not.
That's what I've been told over and over again; the normal stuff of life on the outside is something most people behind bars are hungry for.
I have no doubt that it feels bittersweet, but I have been told that the sweet outweighs the bitter...and they WANT to hear about "normal." It's a great idea to simply mention that sense of unease in your letter! A statement like, "I want to share things about my life with you, but I really hope it doesn't just make it harder for you, being unable to have the same kind of experiences."
Learn the rules.
Each facility will have its own set of specific rules, and you can learn those by searching on the internet for something like, "rules for writing to prisons in Colorado."
Some general guidelines that apply to many prisons are these:
* No stickers of any kind
(including sticky return address labels and the decorative kind of stickers that seal an envelope).
* No glitter or anything glued on. No staples or paper clips.
* No musical cards.
* Address the envelope with the inmate's name, Dept. of Corrections number, and the complete address of the prison.
DOC numbers are on the inmate locator website for your state.
You can find the prison address information on the website that details
that facility's mail guidelines.
* You must include a complete return address on the envelope in the upper lefthand corner: first name, last name, complete address.
If you are uncomfortable sharing your home address, consider using a
PO Box. Local friends often use my church's PO Box.
If you are uncomfortable using your own first and last name,
consider using your own first name and your middle name in place of your last name.
Remember that many inmates will quickly send a reply to your letter,
and you want their reply to make it into your hands!
Set up a return address system that will keep you in contact
without compromising any needs you perceive for safety.
* Do not enclose any kind of gift (even a bookmark or something else flat) --
just the card, letter, and/or photo.
You may learn that the prison you have adopted DOES allow the enclosure of
certain items like writing paper or stamps.
But until you know that for sure, err on the side of caution, and just send cards or letters.
It is okay to enclose a paper letter inside a greeting card if you want to
write more than will fit on the space available in the card.
* If you want to send a photo, regular 4x6 prints only.
It is best to wait to send a photo until you have been writing
for some time and have gotten to know one another a bit.
Ask what that inmate's particular facility allows regarding photos,
enclosures, drawings from children (some allow crayon, some do not;
some markers, some not).
The rules vary a lot from one prison to another!
* Think carefully about the content of your letter.
Staff in the mail room will read your letter from start to finish before they
deliver it to the inmate.
Do not criticize the corrections officers, administration or staff.
Keep your words encouraging, positive, and non-inflammatory.
* Remember that if you don't follow their rules, the mail room staff will most often simply throw out your letter or return it to you.
They will not "help out" by removing the sticker off the back of the envelope,
or correcting the address because they can easily see how to get it to the
inmate you meant to be contacting.